A Beauty Glorious

Dear Diary,

I couldn’t wait any longer. It wouldn’t be long before Mom suspected something was up, and I’d much rather tell her than let her draw her own conclusions.

Yesterday we were in the kitchen together, and I guess I was smiling and humming as we chopped vegetables. I could hardly help it; I’ve been in such a good mood ever since what happened in the field last week. It’s as if I see God everywhere I look, and I’m so aware of him all the time. I still can’t believe what’s happening to me—that God reached down from heaven and touched me! It’s like David wrote: “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?”

Anyway, Mom saw me randomly smiling at the carrots and she started teasing me, “Can’t you even make dinner without daydreaming about that fiancé of yours?” I laughed, but I had to admit to myself that I hadn’t even been thinking about Joseph right then. Then I started thinking, It’s not fair that I don’t tell her about this. She’s my mother, she deserves to know. But—what if she doesn’t believe me? I’m going to look like the most wacked-out liar… God, help me. Let her trust me. She’s my mom, I can’t bear for her to condemn me.

I felt again the echo of what God had told me in the field, Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. I took a deep breath and said, “Actually, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

Mom looked sideways at me, still chopping. “Oh?”

“Yeah… I was working in the garden last month… and I saw something.”

“Like an animal?”

“No… more like an angel.”

I gave that one a moment. Mom’s hands hesitated on the knife, but she asked casually, “And what did the angel say?”

“He said that God was pleased with me and I will bear a son.”

Long pause. Chop, chop, chop. Finally Mom said, “Well, God willing, maybe you will someday—”

“I’m pregnant now, Mom.”

Oops. I’d planned to ease into that a little more.

Mom stopped chopping and turned to look at me. Her eyes were the biggest I’d ever seen them.

“You’re pregnant.”

“It’s not what you think, Mom, I didn’t—”

“You’re pregnant?!”

“Yes, but I didn’t do anything!”

“What do you mean, you didn’t do anything? You went and got yourself pregnant, Mary, what were you thinking? You’re an engaged woman, you couldn’t wait a few more months? Does Joseph know?”

“No—”

“Your father’s going to kill him.”

A shock of fear bolted through me. “It’s not Joseph’s fault, I swear!”

Mom hissed something under her breath. I was terrified to think what it was. “Then who—”

“Nobody!”

“Mary, you have to tell us—”

“I told you, I didn’t do anything!”

I stood there trembling, clenching the knife to keep my hands from shaking. Mom stood in front of me, her neck and lips tight as a bowstring.

I sighed and put one hand protectively over my stomach. “The angel said my son would be the King of Israel. I’m supposed to name him Jesus. The power of God came over me; I don’t even know how it happened, but Mom, my baby is the son of… of God.”

There it was. I’d said it. Now not only would I be stoned for adultery, but I would also be dragged before the priest for blasphemy, or shipped off to a mental hospital. Or all three.

Even as I imagined that future, though, I couldn’t be scared. As I told my Mom what the angel had told me, I realized that I really, really do believe it. God has his hand on me. He has chosen me. The baby inside me, this boy that I will name Jesus, will be the salvation of Israel. God won’t let anything happen to him, or to me. He is God’s appointed Messiah. God’s own son.

Mom just stared at me. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. I realized that nothing in Mom School had ever prepared her for this.

So she just turned back to the vegetables—chop, chop, chop—and said, “We’ll see what your father has to say.” I noticed that her hands were shaking.

Mine weren’t anymore.



Psalm 8:3-4
Matthew 10:32-37

Dear Diary,

The angel said that my son will be a great king. That’s got to mean the Messiah. I’ve heard the prophecies a million times. He will be a descendant of King David, just like the angel told me. That makes sense; my dad always said our family is descended from King David. The Messiah will rule the world and make all people fear God. We have been waiting for him for centuries upon centuries.

What would it mean for me to be the mother of a great king? Will I have a special position in his court? Will he be too busy saving the world to spend time with me? I will have to leave Nazareth, of course. There’s no room for a palace around here. I wonder if he’ll be embarrassed to come from such a humble family? When the newspapers interview him and ask about his background, I wonder if he’ll be ashamed to say his mother was a poor girl from Nazareth, and that his whole birth was a total scandal?

It boggles my mind to imagine it, my son as a great king. I don’t know the first thing about royalty. I know even less about this kind of royalty, the kind sent from God to rescue Israel and set up a kingdom that will never end!

We’re in all new territory now. I guess all I can do is trust one day at a time. This baby inside me and his whole life are in God’s hands.



Isaiah 11:1-10
Daniel 7:13-14

Dear Diary,

God met me again today. Twice in one lifetime… this is more than I ever dreamed. I feel like I’m living in the Scriptures.

I was out in the field just taking a walk, and when I was sure that no one was looking, I started rubbing my hand on my stomach. I know it’s way too early to feel anything yet, but just the thought that there was a tiny life growing inside me brought butterflies. Then when I imagined who this baby is, the Messiah, the son of God, Immanuel, the prophesied king of Israel, I started having a royal freak-out session. I sat in the dirt hugging my knees and hyperventilating, just shaking all over. All I could do was rock, cry, gasp—and pray. I prayed harder than I ever thought I could. I begged God to help me. I begged him to let my family understand. I begged him to tell me why. I almost begged him to just take this away. I cried out to him like David not to leave me alone in this—to help me have faith.

And then something happened. It came like a warm breeze, caressing my shoulders and wrapping around my body. It was peace, comfort, and so much love, more love than I had ever felt in my life. I felt held and protected. I felt like the hand of God was holding me, like his arms were wrapped around me and his voice was whispering in my ear. All the promises of Scripture I had ever learned came flooding back into my mind. It was as if he were saying to me personally, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans for peace and not for evil, plans to bring you a hope and a future. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Slowly I felt the trembling melt away. Instead of fear I felt only peace and trust. Faith. Assurance. I still don’t know why on earth God chose me, and I still have no idea what’s going to happen. I have no more answers than before, but now I know that I am not alone. Whatever happens, my God will be with me. He promised to be.

And that makes all the difference in the world.



Jeremiah 29:11
Isaiah 41:10

Dear Diary,

I found a verse in Isaiah that I think is talking about me. Now there’s a crazy thought. Hundreds of years ago, God’s prophet was telling Israel about me.

“But the LORD will still give you proof. A virgin is pregnant; she will have a son and will name him Immanuel.”

Immanuel – I looked it up and apparently it means “God with us.” Wow. I’ve always seen God as pretty distant. I mean, I know he loves his people and hears our prayers, but he’s… God. In heaven, far away. Or in the temple, in Jerusalem. And we’re just lowly humans. We’re not even allowed to speak his true name. If God could be really with us... I mean really really really WITH us... that would be something new altogether.

Why me? Why out of all the girls in Israel did God choose me to carry his chosen one? What did I ever do to deserve this?

I still haven’t told anyone yet. I don’t know when or how. I’ll have to sooner or later. Gulp.

God, help me.



Isaiah 7:14

Dear Diary,

Needless to say, I’m thrilled and honored that God chose me for this, but there are two things that are worrying me. One is… I’m fourteen. I’m pregnant. And I only just got engaged.

Anna down the street got pregnant last year. She was hardly older than me, and definitely not married. Everyone whispered for days, and then… she disappeared. I haven’t seen her since. Some people say they stoned her to death.

I can kind of understand that, actually. It is in God’s law. God told Moses that if an engaged woman is caught having sex outside of marriage, “Take them both to the town gate and stone them to death. You must get rid of the evil they brought into your community.”

That isn’t exactly what happened to me, of course, but when my belly starts showing, what are they supposed to think? I notice that nowhere does it say, “unless the woman got pregnant without having sex.” Yeah, that would have been helpful.

Listen to me. My life is hanging in the balance—not to mention the whole future of the world—and here I am making jokes. It’s a miracle I’m still holding it together at all.

Then there’s the other thing. I’m engaged to a wonderful man who loves me like I’ve always wanted to be loved. I love him too, with all my heart and soul. If I tell him about this, it will break his heart. When I accepted that ring, it was as if I was marrying him already. I made a promise. I said that I would be only his till death do us part. He believed me. What will he think when he finds out? He’ll think I lied, that I was just playing with his feelings. He’ll think I never loved him as much as he loves me. He’ll think the whole time we’ve been together was just a big lie.

It will crush him.

People have killed themselves over less.

But it’s not like that. I do love him. I meant all the things I said. I have never lied to him once, not once. He gave me his heart, and now I’m about to break it. But what else can I do?

God, I hope it’s not selfish for me to pray for myself when you’re busy arranging the salvation of Israel here. But please, let Joseph understand. Let him still love me. And please, don’t let my parents stone me to death. Remember your promises to Israel. Help me to stay faithful to you no matter what happens. Amen.



Deuteronomy 22:23-24

Dear Diary,

I don’t even know how to start. Two months ago when Joseph proposed, I thought I could never get happier. I was wrong. Something incredible has happened, and I hardly know how to handle it.

Today when I was out in the garden doing my chores, I saw an angel. I mean I really saw a REAL angel. He was huge and fierce and shone with the brightest light I have ever seen. It reminded me of the angel with a “face like lightening” in the book of Daniel. I was terrified. I thought my life was over, but then he said the last thing in the world I expected to hear. He said, “You are truly blessed! The Lord is with you.” I had no idea what he was talking about. I wondered if I was dreaming.

Then it got even weirder. The angel said, “Don't be afraid! God is pleased with you, and you will have a son. His name will be Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of God Most High. The Lord God will make him king, as his ancestor David was. He will rule the people of Israel forever, and his kingdom will never end.”

I was still confused, but it sounded like he was talking about the Messiah. I’ve heard all my life that someday God will send a great king to set everything right in the world.

Then I thought, “Did he say a son? I may be only fourteen, but I know a few things, and I know for a fact that there’s no way I could be pregnant right now.” So I asked the angel how that could be possible. His reply blew my mind.

“The Holy Spirit will come down to you, and God's power will come over you. So your child will be called the holy Son of God.”

Wow. So I’m going to get pregnant… by God. The baby will be his son. My baby will be God’s son.

Then the angel also told me that Elizabeth is pregnant too. That’s truly a miracle, because Elizabeth is my cousin, but she could be my grandma. She gave up on having kids years and years ago. And now, she’s going to have a baby in three months.

I said, “I am the Lord's servant! Let it happen as you have said.” I was completely overwhelmed, but agreeing and submitting seemed like the only smart thing to do. This is GOD we’re talking about.

Excited, terrified, awed, confused… I don’t even know what I’m feeling now. I’ll write more later when I’ve had more time to think.



Daniel 10:5-6
Luke 1:26-38

Dear Diary,

I’m engaged! I’m only fourteen and I’m engaged! I can hardly believe it. Dad has finally given his permission for Joseph to marry me. I’ve imagined this moment for so long, and now that it’s here… I hardly know how to describe it. I feel like just sitting and looking at the ring one minute, and turning cartwheels the next.

So here’s how it happened. This morning, I was just finishing washing the dishes when Joseph somehow snuck in behind me and put his arm around my waist. He gave up knocking at the front door months ago. He asked me how long it would take me to get ready, and I asked him ready for what. He just winked and said it was a surprise. (Tee-hee, I love it when he winks at me! I get butterflies every single time.) I had to remember to tell him I couldn’t be gone long because I had chores to do. He said that he’d already cleared it with my mom and she’d given him permission to steal me for a few hours.

By this time I was definitely curious and excited, so I told him to give me five minutes, and I ran upstairs to brush my hair and change my dress. I know, I know—the other one was fine, but I wanted to feel a bit prettier than normal today. It was closer to ten minutes before I was back downstairs. I couldn’t decide how I wanted to do my hair. I ended up just twisting it back on one side a little bit.

Joseph took me on a long walk up a hill around to our favorite spot, overlooking the valley. You can see for miles, and at night you can see every single star. There was a picnic basket waiting for us under a tree.

I can honestly say it was the most perfect afternoon ever. We ate sandwiches and talked and lay in the shade looking up at the sunlight through the leaves. After a while I was leaning against the tree trying to count the sheep in the valley. That was when Joseph looked at me with a strange kind of expression, very serious and a little nervous. I remember being about to ask if it was almost time to be heading back…

Then he got down on one knee and my heart began to pound.

He took my left hand in his and said, “Mary, you are the most incredible girl I have ever met. You’re beautiful, and thoughtful, and whimsical, and so kind and wonderful that I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, but God has given me one whole blessed year to call you my beloved, and—I hope it’s not selfish to say that I never want that to end. I love you, Mary. I hope you already know that, but I need to say it again. I love you, and I want you to be mine for all of forever.”

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I was smiling like an idiot and trying not to cry and squeezing his hand and not wanting to interrupt but at the same time just wanting to throw my arms around his neck.

Finally, he said it. “Mary… will you marry me?”

And then I did throw my arms around him. And I did squeal and sob all at once and say “yes, yes, I love you, I love you,” over and over.

He slipped a ring on my finger, and it just looked so right, like my hand was made for it. I was made to wear this ring and hold his hand in mine.

Somehow we got home and my parents were already in on the secret, so we celebrated and my mom cried and my dad made a beautiful toast, but I don’t remember any of it. The only thing I remember is wrapping my arm through Joseph’s and thinking that I would never have to let go.

This is the happiest day of my life. I love him so much. Let the happily ever after begin!