Diary of a Pregnant Virgin #16

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Dear Diary,

I’m eight months pregnant now. I can barely move. I’m always tired but have a hard time sleeping, I’m eating the weirdest things, and I’ve got an entire map of stretch marks on me. I feel like I’m going to pop any day, but I still have a month to go.

Joseph’s been so amazing, though. He’s absolutely babied me—gotten me every pillow I want, rubbed my feet in the middle of the night, and let me eat bowl after bowl of olives. I don’t know why, but I’m craving olives almost every waking moment. Olives and chocolate.

Even better, Joseph keeps saying “our baby.” He hasn’t forgotten that this is a miracle baby in every way, but he told me that he feels like God’s entrusted the role of earthly father to him, and he intends to live up to that. He even made a beautiful wooden cradle. He says as soon as the baby’s born, he’s going to fall asleep right there on a bed of soft wool, and he’s not going to cry once. I’m not so sure about that, but who knows? Would the son of God cry like normal babies? Or is he too righteous for that?

He’s not too righteous to kick, that’s for sure. He’s quite an active little bugger. (I hope that’s not blasphemy—sorry, God!) I have to tell him sometimes, “I’m not your war horse, and I’m not going to gallop for you!” I think he’s just getting impatient to come out and get on with it already.

It seems like most of the scandal has pretty much blown over now, thank God. These women are just so excited bring the baby into the world, they don’t even mention how it all started. They’ve been giving me all sorts of advice on herbs things to make me more comfortable, and at least four of them have offered to be my midwife. I told them all I want my mom to do it.

Everyone keeps asking what we’re going to name the child if it’s a boy or if it’s a girl. We haven’t told them we already know it’s a boy and we already picked a name. I just feel like we should keep it to ourselves for a while. I know, it’s silly… I mean, it’s a common enough name; it was the name of Moses’ successor, the one who marched around the walls of Jericho. The name literally means “Jehovah saves,” or just “savior.” That’s not so unusual; a lot of people name their kids after some part of God’s character, but it feels different this time. This isn’t any ordinary baby named after a Scripture hero. This is the one who is going to be the greatest hero of all time.


Matthew 1:21